What Can Happen When You Don't Like Kittens
by lestat ga sukida
Summary: Jack has a bad day. Siler recieves the brunt of his temper. My attempt at humor.


Disclaimer: If I owned Stargate Sg-1 Jack would still be on the show. Nor do I own Care Bears. If I did Grumpy would be a lot…grumpier.

A/N: My pitiful attempt at humor. And please review. I need them to feed my poor starving Grumpy Bear. And this was written while I was listening to the _Queen's_ Bohemian Rhapsody. 

Col. Jack O'Neill was having a bad day. A _really _bad day. So bad in fact that he was ready to go mutilate some poor innocent bunnies that hadn't done him any wrong.

The day had started out fine. He woke up on time, got to take a nice hot shower before coming into the SGC. Once he entered the underground complex was when it all started to go downhill. Very rapidly. He had gone to visit Daniel only to have a door slammed into his face as he was walking to the elevator. After the SF had apologized profusely, only placating him slightly, he had slipped and fell on the floor. Someone had forgotten to put the **Caution: Wet Floor** sign up _again_. Now his ass and face were both killing him. When he had finally got to Daniel's he discovered that he wasn't there. He had gone on a mission with SG-11 and forgotten to tell him, _again!_

As if that wasn't bad enough, General Hammond was leaving on a vacation and wanted him to baby-sit his new kitten. He absolutely despised cats and here he was having one foisted off on him. He was a dog person for a reason. And Carter was smirking because she had managed to avoid the onerous task of having to baby-sit a kitten. How she had managed that he had no idea.

All of this may have contributed to what happened next. As it is unclear because there were no witnesses and the victim is in the infirmary, it will never be known for sure. And the victim won't be talking because he was scared witless.

So as Col. Jack O'Neill was stalking the hallways looking for some fresh new recruit to terrorize, he happened to bump into Sergeant Siler. Now Siler is an all around good guy. Excellent at what he does and generally very nice to people. Doesn't try to piss anyone off and can follow orders. Now we all remember when Jack accidentally pushed Siler down the stairs when wearing the armband. A very tragic _accident._ What he did this time was _deliberate._

Now you ask, deliberate? He deliberately did something to poor bystander Sgt. Siler? Not our beloved Colonel! Yes. Col. Jack O'Neill deliberately did something to Sgt. Siler. And now you are probably curious as to what he did to Siler. And that is the true horror of this tragic tale I tell you.

So as Siler and Jack bumped into each other, Jack lost it. As Siler tried to apologize and edge away at the same time, hoping to avoid any punishment (he knew the look on Jack's face didn't bode well for him), Jack grabbed Siler's collar and dragged him into the rec room. Now the rec room just happened to contain wonderful devices called a DVD player and DVDs. Jack forcibly (almost sounds like he going to rape him) sat Siler on the couch.

Jack then browsed the DVDs and then grinned evilly as he saw what he wanted. Oh yes! Daniel hadn't had time to remove it yet. Taking an innocent case out that was labeled _Who Framed Roger Rabbit?_ he inserted the disk into the player. Siler was of course confused as to what was happening and why was be going to watch _Who Framed Roger Rabbit?_ Jack the proceeded to lock the door. Siler wasn't going to be escaping anytime soon.

Five minutes later anyone who happened to walk past the rec room would hear screams of horror that echoed throughout the hallway. And those people who just happened to be passing by would shudder and wonder who and what could cause those screams. And if you just happened to listen a little more carefully someone would be able to hear a maniacal laughter that could just be heard over the screams.

We of course know that it was Siler screaming and Jack laughing. And just what was Siler watching that was so horrible? It certainly wasn't _Who Framed Roger Rabbit?_. It was a certain DVD owned by one Dr. Daniel Jackson that just happened to be the most horrifying thing in existence. And Siler certainly wasn't prepared for it.

Sgt. Siler was watching _Care Bears. _Yes you heard…er…read correctly. _Care Bears. _ And one Dr. Daniel Jackson happened to own the Collector's Edition of all the best _Care Bears_ episodes.

Col. Jack O'Neill had just happened to stumble on the obsession of Daniel's quite by accident. Just happened to find it and then proceeded to tease Daniel mercilessly about it.

Daniel, quite unfortunately for Sgt. Siler, had not moved the hiding place of the DVD. Jack had hoped for this, and to have it be true made him feel so much better as he watched Siler.

Siler as you know was broken five minutes in. He had bolted for the door only to find he couldn't open it in his panic. Pulling and jerking at the door, he screamed for help, hoping some merciful soul would release him. But Jack knew this would not happen. No one else would dare risk the same fate Siler was suffering at his hands. Jack's look of evil glee and maniacal laughter only served to push Siler further of the edge. Begging for release, Siler was a pitiful sight. On his knees as the second episode started, Jack never relented.

Jack was in fact enjoying the show. Siler soon was huddled in a corner rocking back and forth. Eyes shut, muttering incoherently, it is safe to assume that Siler would never be the same again.

Siler was forced to watch _Care Bears_ for about 6 hours. By the end of that period he was comatose. After Jack gleefully walked out, he called for a medical team and watched as they hesitantly approached. By now the news had spread that the screams emanating from the rec room were Siler's as he couldn't be found, and that the one most likely causing them was the Colonel.

After seeing the state Siler was in, they could only wonder was the Colonel had to Siler to put him in this state without causing him bodily harm. As they put him on a stretcher, Jack was glowing with evil happiness.

So as Col. Jack O'Neill moseyed down they hallway after Siler was taking to the Infirmary, he thought perhaps the day hadn't been so bad after all. Now he had some good blackmail on almost everyone in the SGC, including some that should get him out his little baby-sitting job. Jack was positively glowing. Anyone who saw passed warily knowing the happy glow that surrounded him he only got from torture.

Poor Siler could never pass Jack without flinching. And nobody ever learned what exactly Jack had done to him. Or how Jack managed to wriggle out almost anything he didn't want to do. Especially the baby-sitting of Hammond's kitten that grew into a vicious cat, that everybody else seemed to get stuck with. It will probably go down as one of the unsolved mysteries of the SGC, except for those two involved. And let's just say, Siler does not go anywhere near anything related to _Care Bears_.

A/N: Push that little button that lets you leave a review. You don't want my Grumpy Bear to starve do you? If you do…you are cruel. If you don't well…do you have toddlers?


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